It’s always been easy to talk to Lucillia, we’ve sat like this before
and just talked through the whole night. Her likeability is what I love
most about her.
Love…
I thought tonight would be the right time to tell her and everything
has been falling into place, the perfect moment has arrived.
I’ve got to be honest, I was running on a pretty good high but my
confidence ran dry when she stared at me, listening intently. Her face…
her beautiful face was what made the nerves surface.
I stumbled and stuttered over my words. My train of thought
completely lost and in embarrassment I turned from her. What a joke to
think this was going to go well. What was I thinking…
The only thing I could think of to stop this train wreck was to leave. I managed to blurt out one of my famous lame excuses and started to make my way out of her bedroom. What I hadn’t noticed was her breath of the back of my neck.
For some idiotic reason I turned to her.
Lucillia’s never been one to take control of things but maybe
the feelings we felt just then were mutual or maybe she just felt sorry
for me. Her lips were soft against mine and I could taste her
strawberry lip-balm.
I didn’t want the moment to end but doesn’t everyone think that about
their first kiss? Then suddenly the strange thought that this isn’t the
same for her came into my head; thinking of all of those boys that
she’s already of bound to have locked lips with killed the mood for me…
I pulled away but was more than satisfied despite being a bit grossed out.
I am a little worried, since we’ve been in silence for the past few minutes but her warm body against mine and of course the collar of her blazer digging into my chest was reassuring. We’ve been friends for such a long time and I’ve never seen her like this… Even with the umpteen boyfriends she’s had.
I’ve gotta say I am pretty smitten. Having a crush on someone is one thing but on your best friend who was thought to be straight…? Maybe that’s why I’ve never had a girlfriend before; I don’t really know anyone who is bi-sexual let alone lesbian.
“What do you mean; ‘Just go’ ?”
I couldn’t make sense of it. One minute she’s perfectly happy to lay
one on me then the next she can’t even bare to look at me? Confused is
an understatement. I am baffled. Sure, I’ve never been good at reading
people but this is on a whole new level!
“Don’t you get it Samantha? I’m not like you.”
“Since when have you called me Samantha…”
My heart sank… It wasn’t supposed to go like this… This isn’t what I wanted…
As much as I was crushed to hear the person I have loved for such a
long time practically say they hated me wasn’t what upset me. I was more
upset that I have ruined our friendship. “Samantha”? What happened to
Sammy? I was such a fool to think that it would go anything like I
imagined it. Now, not only have I ruined any chance I had going with
Lucillia, I have ruined our 14 year friendship.
“Just get out of here!”
Even though she couldn’t bare to look at me I knew she was crying - I
could hear her quietly sobbing. The minute I leave this room she is
going to burst into uncontrollable tears like she always has done. I’m
such an idiot to think that this could have ended well, for God’s sake,
what was I thinking?
