♥ Chapter Three; "Choices"

I stood for a few seconds in shock at what my sister had just told me then as the smile grew on my face I grabbed her, squeezing her tight I reassured her;

"Why so worried Madi? That's great news!"

My sister has always been a bit timid and I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be for her, not with the news but with the thought of telling everyone. She asked if I could give her some advice on how to tell Darren and the rest of the family about the soon-to-be new arrival and to be honest I had no idea where to start but I couldn't just leave her clueless and to do it herself.

We spent the entire evening talking about what life would be like when the baby arrives, how our mum would over-react and go out shopping for baby items the moment she's told or how our Uncle will have a "stern" talk with Darren about parenthood. We didn't really talk much about the negative sides to it or more importantly how Darren would take it but I am hopeful that he will step up and be a father, he doesn't seem like the type to just walk away.

"You know, if you want sis, you can design the babies room."

When we heard Darren come home from work early we both decided that it would be the right time to tell him about the pregnancy, but it didn't go quite as we had planned because when Darren came into the kitchen we both went dead silent.

It's much harder than it seems when you're actually in the situation, heck even I was nervous and it's not really my problem. So I continued to prepare the evening's meal while Darren told us about his day at work, as he always does.

After we ate I had a quick chat with Madi and we decided it would be much more appropriate if she told him in private, just the two of them. That way there's no pressure only room to think. 

Already being shunned for the night by the pair I went upstairs to take a nice long bath, it helps to clear my mind but it was cut short by the pounding headache I was getting - I was pretty tired even though it was barely seven p.m. Then again I had a hard day so I finished up, pulled the plug and got ready for bed.

Since it was so early in the night I picked up a book and started reading, but put it down an hour later. Now I was just plain bored so I snuggled up in bed and switched the TV on, I was content for a while since the hunky new presenter Dawson Morris was on but that, too, was short lived.

I was awoken by the sounds of cheering and screaming. Startled I almost fell off the edge of the bed, I had fallen asleep with the TV on and the results of the football was airing, a certain commentator was getting a bit too excited.

I was annoyed now; it was six a.m and there was no point in me going back to sleep since I had to get ready for work in an hour. I think I have finally gotten past the wall that's been blocking my creativity lately as I had a sudden surge of ideas.

The day had gotten off to a bad start and as a result I was in a grumpy morning mood, I hoped that soon it would subside for the sake of the old lady I have to meet in an hour.

Hunger wasn't an issue this morning so instead of eating I made myself useful and put the clothes in for washing - since no one else seemed to. I cleared away the breakfast dishes Madi had left lying out; it seems she must have been in a rush to get to work this morning, she's never been good at time keeping.

Just then I heard the clunk of heavy boots come down the hallway; it was Darren.

At first it was a rather awkward setting and he didn't seem his usual cheerful self, neither did I. We exchanged a quick glance at each other before he made his was to invade the refrigerator. 

"You hungry?"

For some reason the tone in his voice made me repulse for a moment but I was quick to reply. It seemed neither of us was in the mood for a chat so I finished with the laundry and left him on his own for a while. I'm not sure if Madi has told him yet about the baby but if she has, it isn't looking good...

It was already eight and time to make my way to Amelia tight-bums' house. I wasn't really in the mood for the criticizing looks she was bound to give me and I was almost positive she had somehow found out about the names I had been calling her, even if I hadn't spoken them out loud, let alone told anyone.

I was concentrating so hard on what I would say to her and my reply to her bucket load of questions to notice my surroundings, I rung the doorbell and looked straight at the floor. 

After a couple of minutes of standing there like a right ninny I rung the bell again, nothing, so I proceeded over to the window only to find an empty house. At first I felt a fool because I thought I had gone to the wrong house and I read the address on the mailbox - twice - but it was the same address.

I had mixed emotions, at first I was dreadfully confused as to why her house was empty, then as to why she would book a renovation if she was moving house. Then I was just down right furious. She had wasted my time completely, since I now had nothing to do all day I decided to make my way to the Art Gallery and maybe find some inspiration there.

My mood was getting worse by the minute, I was just so annoyed at everything so was looking forward to some peace and quiet at the Art Gallery, usually it's deserted on a Tuesday morning. While I was observing the paintings and taking mental notes I hadn't noticed the strange man following me around but finally took notice when he casually approached me when we were both viewing a painting. 

He tried to bring in some casual chit-chat but he never really told me what it was that he wanted, I was in such a bad mood that I just couldn't handle talking to him and so I cut the conversation short and left the Gallery.

My mind was wandering and I don't know why but as of lately it seems I've had a solitary cloud above my head drenching me in this sadness.

♥ Chapter Two; "Break the Silence"

I did manage to get some sleep, but only for a little while. I was awoken early by the sounds of Madi and Darren making their way out to work, the front door has to be slammed shut or the most delicate breeze will open it wide. I decided to get up and dressed but when I came downstairs to make myself some breakfast I was greeted by a few lonely piles of dirty clothes. The pair of them must have been in a rush this morning so I decided to gather the rest of it and put it on for a wash.

I had thrown the clothes in for a normal wash, they'd probably be done in about an hour or so. I wasn't meeting my client's guardian until lunch and thought I could spend the few hours I have painting. I was so busy cleaning up the mess Madi and Darren had left that I hadn't hear my mum's feeble knocks on the door and just as I lifted my paintbrush she gave up and let herself in.

I'm not going to lie, I had completely forgotten about her visit since I had been so busy doing nothing all week, or so it seemed, so it was a surprise to see her. It had been a while since I had visited her last so I guess this time she took it upon herself to visit me instead, regardless I was happy for a while.

She gave me one of those legendary hugs that only a mum could give and I thought that nothing could ruin the serene moment we were having, not even my mysterious worrying phase. Then she spoke;

"Have you had any breakfast yet, dear?"

"You know, Rochelle, breakfast is the most important meal of the day!"

She droned on while she was preparing some delicious pancakes; I tried to help her but when it comes to the Kitchen I am clueless. She tried to reassure me "practice makes perfect" but I guess she meant "proper practice makes perfect". It's always a disaster waiting to happen when I try to prepare a meal - if I don't burn it and ruin the pots and pans then I've gone and dropped it.

During breakfast my worries were basically none-existent - I hadn't a care in the world - or so it seemed. It was short-lived because right after I had finished eating the Washing Machine had leaked water all over the floor, I guess I should have put all those clothes on at a "delicate" wash... I'm most certainly not the Domestic Goddess, if that role isn't filled by my mum then my sister is sure to take her place.

While I mopped up the floor my mum took it upon herself to hang out the wet clothes on the line instead of just tossing them in the Dryer, like I would have done. She was still outside hanging up the clothes slowly, one by one. I thought it would be the best time to ask for her advice since she always has the right words to say but just before I could get a word in my watch started beeping - It was already 11 O'clock and time to head out to work.

Just as I had said good-bye I was already saying "Hello" to another. To my convenience my client only lived two doors down from me and so it was just a short walk away, I was greeted at the door by, whom I can presume to be the little boy's guardian, "Amelia" his grandma.

At first she seemed very eager that I had arrived at her house after a week of working away and she invited me in to discuss the renovation. The moment was about to be turned on its head when she finds out it's the complete opposite and I'm barely passed stage one...

She invites me into her living room but I don't take a seat, we both stand close to the door (for a swift exit perhaps?) and she begins by telling me how excited she is to see the room designs and of course I have to pain-stakingly tell her that my plans are not yet finished, she is not pleased one bit and I grimace at her reaction. She is borderline furious with me but for her dignity's sake I think she held it back. 

She reluctantly allows me to inspect the young boy's room the way it is and to take the measurements I need but of course she is breathing down my next the entire way.

When I enter the room I can immediately see why the little boy is so happy to be getting a new room. It looks like the lad has inherited the room from his sister or even his mum from when she was a child. The room is designed for that of a little girl, not a growing lad! The only thing the boy could be remotely happy about is the pirate themed toy chest sitting next to his bed. 

The room is filled with clutter but seems rather bare and empty, white walls and a wooden floor doesn't spark the imagination of a seven year old and already I'm making plans for something great. I thank Amelia for being so patient with me and quickly leave the house, before she changes her mind about bottling up her anger with me.

When I get back the place is completely empty, my mum must have toddled off back home and my sister doesn't seem to be back from work yet so I set about getting to work right away. When I make it up the final step and get inside my sister is waiting for me there... (sigh)

She is clearly here for a reason but I don't acknowledge her all too much as my priorities are elsewhere. She begins by rambling on about her day at work and how sorting out the mail stressed her out when she has to sort out the bills for the house, she just went on and on with the nagging.

"Why are you even in here?"... I think to myself.

Then she did something I wasn't expecting, she walked over to my sketching table, took the pencil out of my hand and dragged me up to my feet and she just stared at me right in the eyes with a determined look on her face.

At first we both just stood in silence, it was hard to avert her soul invading stare, I couldn't even speak, all I could manage was a strange muttering sound to break the silence. Right then she interrupted me and blurted out something and very loudly might I add;

"I am Pregnant."

At first I didn't know what to say, I just stood in shock.

♡ Chapter One; "Artists' Block"

It was the moment I had been waiting for all week; I was finally getting something.

I remember fondly of the times when I could just sketch without a worry, as soon as my pencil hit the paper the designs would just come to me and my client's smiles would grow with each stroke.

I was envisioning toy soldiers, a UFO play house and endless hours of fun for my newest client; A seven year old boy. He told me it's his "dream to be a space man" and a space man he shall be in his new room. I had drawn out several other sketches for his room but none of them would compare to this; it was all coming together in my head and I couldn't scribble down my ideas quick enough.

The scratching of my pencil against the paper was oh-so satisfying and possibly even therapeutic in a strange way to me because it meant only one thing; I was "in the zone."

"Sis...?"

A quiet murmur silenced my pencil and I turned in my chair to find my sister distancing herself from the table with that familiar innocent look on her face; she wanted something.

 She knows not to interrupt me when I am working and seeing as this had been the first time in the week I had been able to focus I was overcome with anger, she's my baby sister and so this feeling was very alien to me but I couldn't help myself. I needed an outlet for this build up of emotion and she just happened to bug me at the wrong time.

After uselessly balling at her for a good ten minutes she finally got in an edge way; 

"I thought it would have been fun, OK?"

With that she stormed out of the loft and retreated downstairs. I suppose I did go over the top, after all she did only want me to help her prepare the night's dinner. I'm a confessed workaholic and growing up I never really had time to be with my sister - I am considerably much older than her and I had to take on the responsibility of adulthood early in her life.

I stood alone in my bedroom, staring at the ground as a wave of embarrassment hit me. My sister doesn't have a bad bone in her body and yet I couldn't control my anger towards her. 

I've been so frustrated with my lack of work lately, going an entire week without getting anything prepared for a client is unheard of in my case; for the past ten years I've worked my way up the ladder and am now a household name when it comes to redesigning rooms and my clients put their trust in me.

I just wanted to get my sketches done for that little boy, he seemed so pleased that he would be getting a room all to himself but I should have known better...

After twenty minutes of sulking at my sketching table I came to the conclusion that the sudden creative flow I had been having wouldn't be coming back for the night and so I made my way downstairs to help my sister prepare dinner, although I was hesitant at first.

However I had spent so much time mulling over the argument we had that she was already finished and  dishing out the salad. So I just sat there feeling completely useless. Her boyfriend Darren tried to break the silence in the room by telling everyone about his new promotion at work but neither I nor my sister are all too interested in how cars work so his enthusiasm fell on deaf ears.

I felt like a total idiot for what I had said to my sister and was too ashamed to take my usual seat next to her at the breakfast table instead I took the solitary seat by my working table and reviewed the files of my client hoping to read something that would spark an interest, but there was nothing.

I could hear the buzz that was my Sister and her Boyfriend had talking behind me but I didn't feel like talking, or eating really. I just sat for a while and listened intently to the cute conversations they have with one another, but that just made me feel even worse.

I followed my sister into the living room, both of us leaving Darren to clean up the dishes, and proceeded to give her the most heart-felt apology possible from me. I'm not really one to be sensitive with anyone other than my sister - so she gets special treatment from me all the time and telling her that I didn't mean what I said to her lifted her spirit. Her smile was infectious - I was still feeling down - I couldn't help but smile back.

I decided to call it a night and head up to my room when Darren and Madi got a bit too intimate for my liking. You could say I am rather protective of my baby sister and so it took me a while to warm up to the man she is now macking lips with and as you can imagine I am not sticking around for the show.

It was rather uncomfortable for me when I first moved in with my sister and her boyfriend; I thought taking up residence in their converted loft would have made things easier since I didn't get along too well with Darren then but it didn't make the ride any less bumpier. Especially when there were sights like these.

Once again I attempted to complete the sketch I had started earlier but it was to no avail so I decided to kill some time by connecting with the world outside and watching the News. Usually I don't have time to pick up a newspaper or flick on the TV, I don't find it all too interesting really but tonight my mind just wasn't in the right place; I couldn't focus on anything remotely important.

 The TV didn't do much for me and I turned it off not long after it had heat up and got some life back into it. I don't even know why I have that useless thing anyway - I hardly use it. I filled my time with taking a long, hot bath; thinking about what I'd do tomorrow. My working hours are pretty flexible but I needed to get back into the groove of things so settled upon revisiting my clients house and taking some measurements, maybe finding a little inspiration from his room as it is. 

Still feeling oddly down I finally went to bed but whether I would actually sleep was something else.

♡ Mid-Life Crisis ~ Prologue

I'm not used to this type of attitude; once completing projects religiously I now find that I am unable to concentrate on my work and I am more frustrated than I am confused.

Even my clients have complained about my lacking of mind these days, I feel my career is falling to bits, but that's not what I'm worried about.

I've spent the last ten years building my career and for as long as I can remember I had thought it was my purpose in life, but as I redesign rooms for newlywed couples or for expecting mothers it has gotten me to reflect on myself. It has never bothered me before, I was young and had plenty of time. Now in my thirties I've had my fair share of boyfriends but haven't found anyone I could start a family with and it seems I can't attract those who would. I feel as if now my time is running out, I've been so immersed in my job that I hadn't taken the time to properly consider it. I wonder if it's too late.

No matter where I go there are happy couples roaming around doing nothing but be in the presence of their love.. I'm hoping that this sudden mid-life crisis phase will fade out and I'll stop feeling sorry for myself, but for now it's all I seem to think about.